when you're gone

soul searching?
not quite yet.

just seeing what i should have seen a long time ago.

maybe i just chose not to see it.
i don't know.
but all i realised was how people can be easily replaced.

am i nothing?
have i no place anywhere?
i don't know.
it just feels like it.
i'm just tired.
that everysingle time i'll be the one to make the first move.

face it.
i'm always the one asking you out.
who ever you are.

i miss sheryl.

i've told a friend of mine.
that i'm really close to giving everything up.
and i really do mean everything.

family, friends.
school.
even work.

just simply everything.

i've tried and i've tried.
to open up.
to the people who have waited and the people who i have failed.
but everytime.
i reach for the phone.
i become a coward.
and i just can't seem to do it.

i cant even call my friend and cry out to him now.
when it used to be so easy.
to just call him.
and spill everything out.
and cry.
but i can't.

since you said that i've never given you a reason.
then why.
fuck.
i don't know what i'm talking about now.

for the past three days.
all i've been doing.
is just to break down and cry.
and i still don't know why.

when i said that i was going to start things over.
i meant it.
i really do.
and it seems that i can't do it properly.
and neither can you.

what happened to my divine intervention?
they ran away.
and left me all alone.

nessa is just going to shrivel up and die.
soon.

i'm sorry friend.
i'm not saying that i'm not going to try.
just that.
its a tough period now.
for me.
i should have just called and talked to you.
just missed the times.
where we would talk late into the night.
about everything and nothing at all.
and how i thought everything was going to be just fine.
cause we're going to trust each other again.
but it doesn't seem to be the case.
cause it just feels that way.


i hate this point of time.
where everything is a mess and i have control over nothing at all.

if anything is going to make me smile.
i don't know.
maybe its to feel that i'm needed.
or jared and his stupid song.

i wanted to be like you.
i wanted everything.
so i tried to be like you.
and i got swept away.
i didnt know that it was so cold and
you needed someone
to show you the way.
so i took you hand and we figured out that
when the time comes
i'd take you away.
if you wan to
i can save you
i can take you away from here.
so lonely inside
so busy out there
and all you wanted was somebody who cares.
i'm sinking slowly.
so hurry hold me.
your hand is all i have to keep me hanging on.
please can you tell me
so i can finally see.
where you go when you're gone.
all you wanted was somebody who cares.
if you need me you know i'll be there.

please can you tell me.
so i can finally see.
where you go when you're gone.


i asked for sometime off.
even though i don't know why.
sanity please.
come and help me survive this.